Rain of Things

I have managed to unearth the lyrics to a rap song by members of Donald Trump’s Cabinet. I felt it was my patriotic duty to release them here. Presenting…

“The Trump Cabinet Posse Cut”

 

I’m Jeff Sessions, these are my confessions

I wish the South had won in the War of Northern Aggression

The government prevents people as property or possessions

But this Attorney General promotes general oppression

I’ll put in late nights defending states’ rights

And squash all these attacks by blacks who hate whites

I’ve got you in my sights, I’ll fill your house with bugs

And lock up all these thugs using the war on drugs.

 

Yo, I’m Ben Carson and my gifted hands

Have been gifted with a job I don’t understand

I know success is 100% self-reliance

Pull yourself up from the bottom, it’s not rocket science

Or brain surgery; if it was I’d succeed

That’s the only way I know to help out people in need

But I’ll cleanse this agency like a biblical flood

As the black Elmer Fudd at the helm of HUD.

 

Gather round, kids, criss cross applesauce

I’m the boss, you can call me Betsy Devos

If you’re not born a winner then you’re taking a loss

I’m in charge of learning institutions across

The whole nation. Privatizing public education

My voucher system will restore segregation

It’ll be the biggest shift since Brown versus the Board

You’ll get the best education that you can afford.

 

I’m Scott Pruitt. Protect the environment?

I will not do it. Mother Nature could use early retirement

Climate change denier bent on wrecking the earth

Because if we don’t spend it we’ll never know what it’s worth

Do we really need to have clean water and air?

Well, maybe we do, but I really don’t care

If I restrict fossil fuels, what will BP say?

Let’s let the oil companies run the EPA.

 

Yo, I’m Rick Perry, Energy Secretary

And you’re not alone, even I think it’s scary

But if you’re wondering why you should trust me

I’ve got many reasons; I’ll give you just three

Number one, I passed my animal husbandry classes

As you can tell just by looking at my smart-guy glasses

Number two, I guarantee that I’ll support the troops

Number three… um… I can’t remember. Oops.

 

Yo, it’s about time that they let Rex on

I flex on you fools as the head of Exxon

My Russian connects and TexMex lexicon

Made me a great Secretary of State selec-shon

I’m friends with Russia, I have a medal to prove it

So much cash it would take a bulldozer to move it

And I don’t need the press following me around

You want to see real power? Drill it out of the ground.

 

There may be more verses yet to be uncovered. Stay tuned!