I have managed to unearth the lyrics to a rap song by members of Donald Trump’s Cabinet. I felt it was my patriotic duty to release them here. Presenting…
“The Trump Cabinet Posse Cut”
I’m Jeff Sessions, these are my confessions
I wish the South had won in the War of Northern Aggression
The government prevents people as property or possessions
But this Attorney General promotes general oppression
I’ll put in late nights defending states’ rights
And squash all these attacks by blacks who hate whites
I’ve got you in my sights, I’ll fill your house with bugs
And lock up all these thugs using the war on drugs.
Yo, I’m Ben Carson and my gifted hands
Have been gifted with a job I don’t understand
I know success is 100% self-reliance
Pull yourself up from the bottom, it’s not rocket science
Or brain surgery; if it was I’d succeed
That’s the only way I know to help out people in need
But I’ll cleanse this agency like a biblical flood
As the black Elmer Fudd at the helm of HUD.
Gather round, kids, criss cross applesauce
I’m the boss, you can call me Betsy Devos
If you’re not born a winner then you’re taking a loss
I’m in charge of learning institutions across
The whole nation. Privatizing public education
My voucher system will restore segregation
It’ll be the biggest shift since Brown versus the Board
You’ll get the best education that you can afford.
I’m Scott Pruitt. Protect the environment?
I will not do it. Mother Nature could use early retirement
Climate change denier bent on wrecking the earth
Because if we don’t spend it we’ll never know what it’s worth
Do we really need to have clean water and air?
Well, maybe we do, but I really don’t care
If I restrict fossil fuels, what will BP say?
Let’s let the oil companies run the EPA.
Yo, I’m Rick Perry, Energy Secretary
And you’re not alone, even I think it’s scary
But if you’re wondering why you should trust me
I’ve got many reasons; I’ll give you just three
Number one, I passed my animal husbandry classes
As you can tell just by looking at my smart-guy glasses
Number two, I guarantee that I’ll support the troops
Number three… um… I can’t remember. Oops.
Yo, it’s about time that they let Rex on
I flex on you fools as the head of Exxon
My Russian connects and TexMex lexicon
Made me a great Secretary of State selec-shon
I’m friends with Russia, I have a medal to prove it
So much cash it would take a bulldozer to move it
And I don’t need the press following me around
You want to see real power? Drill it out of the ground.
There may be more verses yet to be uncovered. Stay tuned!
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